Traffic: The Things You Knew, But Didn't Say...

Traffic is a great source of conversation now ain't it? Even a pathetically bad conversationalist such as me can sustain a conversation of traffic for well over 2 minutes! I know! Unbelievable right?

Though, while talking to people, I've noticed that most don't make interesting or very observant comments about traffic at all. Yet, I know that these are things that everybody knows, but never really say. So I figured I should do the honours.

Ok. Here goes. Things about traffic you always knew, but never really said out loud:

1. Auto Drivers always think that from all the horns blaring around them, none of them are aimed at them.

2. Car drivers hate Bike Riders while stuck in traffic because riders get to squeeze by more easily.

3. Bike riders hate Car Drivers because drivers get to sit in AC while they're out in the sun (rain, smoke, or dust)

4. Bus drivers are sadistic bastards since they don't have AC nor can they squeeze by. They purposefully squeeze you out of every inch of road you have if they can help it.

5. Just as the light turns green, there is that one last pedestrian fucker who always HAS to run in front of you just as you're taking off. Always!

6. Traffic Policemen are the most useless cadre of public servants ever. They don't do a good job with traffic control in the first place, AND they end up stopping all the sane riders, asking for papers and alcohol consumption details while the drunks, fanatics, racers and Ghost Riders fly around killing and maiming people.

I'm sure there are so many more patterns in the chaos that is traffic. I just remembered something about the Chaos Theory. Anyhow, there is sure to be part 2 for this. Keep reading. :)

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Why Does the IPL Suck at Times?

Dear Mr. Modi,

I think I will go for an entirely original approach to this topic. You see, if you were on Twitter, you would've noticed, that there are two kinds of people when it comes to IPL. 

1. Those who are Cricket fanatics and ALWAYS talk about the IPL. Sometimes too much. Including those who watch it on YouTube at a 5 minute delay and hate the rest of the tweeps at home for spoiling the suspense; and,

2. Those who hate everything about IPL and thinks that basically, you're just a dick out to rip off everybody and make a lot of money, and screw over every Indian in the process. These are the people who sign into Twitter only after games get over, or have successfully made use of filters so that they don't see anything with the tag #IPL. 

Now, I don't belong to either category. See, I like watching cricket. I like it when Yusuf Pathan blasts a 37 ball 100, or Warne flights the ball and makes an idiot of the batsman. 

But, I should tell you, the IPL sucks for me too at times. And like a responsible citizen, I will tell you the reasons why:

1. Why the fuck does it last so long?

2. I like using the terms 'Catches', 'Sixes', and 'Awesome'. Your puppet doll commentators, for some reason insist on using 'Karbon Kamaal Catch', 'DLF Maximum' and 'Citi Moment of Success' instead of their better substitutes. The retards!

3. How do you guys manage to squeeze in an ad while the spinner takes his run-up?

4. I DO NOT WANT to see that stupid MRF Plane anymore!

5. And also, I know you went a long way and worked hard to steal the IPL idea from Kapil Dev, but still, try and feel a little less important. Think that'll stop people thinking 'Oh he's such a dick.' whenever they see you. 

As conclusion, I'd also like to politely request you to take a look at the English Premier League. It's obviously bigger than the IPL in terms of viewership. But there are no Barclay's Super Goals or a Nike Super Duper Tackle in the EPL now is there?

See Mr. Modi, I know you like money. I do too. But we all gotta draw the line somewhere, don't we??

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This is Democracy!

If it's really hot, and the sun is out, and it's noon, what do you NOT want? You Don't want unnecessary delays.

Yet today, I had to endure one. After finishing a meeting, me and a friend were walking back to the Bus Stand. There were Police Personnel lining the road and traffic was frozen on all sides.

Do keep in mind, this was during the final phases of the morning rush hour, and there was a mountain of traffic  piled up in all directions. For a moment, I was glad I did not take my bike. Yet, I had thought too soon.

We were walking along the side of the road, when this cop asks us to stop and wait. I ask "Why?" And he shouted back: "Just wait." Gee, you're asking me to wait in the glaring sun in the middle of nowhere at noon on a shit all hot day, the least you could do is extend some fucking courtesy.
Anyhow, we wait. Then we figured out what was happening. The Chief Minister was passing by. His motorcade rolls by eventually, and then everybody is allowed to unfreeze again. After HALF AN HOUR!

Precious time has been lost, pandemonium breaks out, bottles of water are sweated out by us poor souls who are out in the sun, and not in the AC comfort of a luxury car.

This is democracy! We elect these people, and yet we suffer endlessly because of them. I've seen this in many places, and I still don't get it. Politicians are the representatives of the people, they are supposed to serve the people. Having said all that, how come rush hour and traffic are not applicable to them?

My friend told me that there was nothing than anybody could do. "These people are too powerful. The cops HAVE to do what they say. So can't blame them either."

Yeah. I'm one among those who are part of the world's largest democracy. And look what I get for it.

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