It all happened last Wednesday. My off day. The day I use to take care of my chores. And I did. Dutifully. Like any good citizen. I spent TWO long-drawn hours washing my clothes. And then another fifteen minutes, hanging them on the terrace of my apartment complex. Satisfied with my effort, I came back downstairs and had me a couple of beers.
How was I to know that a heinous crime was being committed that very same night while I was happily drunk?
For on Thursday morning, I was in for quite the shock. Up on the terrace, I surveyed the scene. 3 shirts: check. 2 Jeans: Check. 4 pair socks: Check. 4 pair underwear: Wait, what?
ONLY THREE?? Who would do such a thing? And of all the colours the bastard could have chosen to steal, he stole the blue one! My favourite!
The police force doesn't care, of course. "Saar, enna saar?" they ask me quizzically. Yeah you bastard, you won't know how painful it is until you have yours stolen.
My landlord is not interested either. "I don't wear any," he said casually, thus absolving himself from the crime and distancing himself from a possible solution. Ah, can't blame the guy. It's not like I pay rent on time anyhow.
My landlord is not interested either. "I don't wear any," he said casually, thus absolving himself from the crime and distancing himself from a possible solution. Ah, can't blame the guy. It's not like I pay rent on time anyhow.
Are you laughing? I can almost hear your amusement as I type one long word after the other. How dare you? I'm the victim here.
(In picture: What was lost. Item itself can't be seen because of kurta and jeans. But this picture comes closest.)
Disappointed and depressed, I mop around, until a friend says: "This is Indian my friend. Only one person can put your mind at ease."
Apparently, only one man can get things done in India, and that too, by means of blackmail terrorism. Some man by the name of Anna is the supreme exponent, says all the TV channels that I don't watch. And all the newspapers that I don't read.
Men with strange names like Arnab and Rajdeep keep shouting the name over and over. On air. They keep cutting people off mid-sentence. Oh wait, I guess that was always there.
Twitter trends, facebook pages, text messages. Anna, Anna, Anna. Who is this guy anyway? Can he do what nobody can?? Can he make sure that nobody else has to suffer the pain that I have suffered? Can he restore my lost honour??
And then I read up on it. Turns out, YES HE CAN!! This is a man who fights against the evil forces of corruption. The very force that was responsible for my current plight.
How you may ask? Well, every problem in India, as we all know, arises from corruption and 'em politicians. Silly little bastards. Yes, they're to blame. I'm sure you agree.
And then I read up on it. Turns out, YES HE CAN!! This is a man who fights against the evil forces of corruption. The very force that was responsible for my current plight.
How you may ask? Well, every problem in India, as we all know, arises from corruption and 'em politicians. Silly little bastards. Yes, they're to blame. I'm sure you agree.
This man wants to put in place another system. The Lokpal system which, they say, is incorruptible. If they say so, I will believe it. I'm an aam aadmi after all. What do I know of such things?
So I will stand with this man. I will go to the rallies they organize in his name. I will fast along with him, for a few hours at least. I will shamelessly blackmail the very people that I elected to represent me.
Why? Fuck you! Why not? As long as I have someone to blame, somebody to support, some rally to go to to find more meaning in my own life, why SHOULD'NT I do it?
When this man succeeds (everyone tells me he will), I will proudly stand along with him and be very happy with myself. And, by being part of this crusade, I would've made safe the future of the millions of underwear owners across the country.
How, you ask? Of course you did. You ask too many fucking questions I say!!
