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No, wait.
(These ARE Actual events)
12:00 am : HAVE to sleep early tonight.. At least tonight. Please God please.
3:00 am: Knock on the door.
"You up?"
"Yeah."
"Great, see you at 4."
4:00 am: At the doorsteps of the first coffee shop to open in Chennai.
Ok, fine, Adayar maybe. But still, first one to open in our vicinity.
"Anna, unda round round i take 4 - unda he take 3, i... "
"Son, I know Malayalam. Don't desecrate Tamil like this please."
"Er, he he.. Ok, sure.. Guys what'd you take?"
5:00 am: Why can't I sleep? Why o why.
It's not like I had coffee or anything.
Oh wait, I did have coffee. (sigh)
NEVER AGAIN! NEVER WILL I HAVE COFFEE AT 4 IN THE MORNING!
07:00 am: Sleep
09:30: Roomie is off to college.
"You dick, class starts at 10. Get your ass out of bed!"
Get up, run into bathroom, run out of bathroom, run out of house, do 20 minute walk in 10 minutes, still arrive too late for breakfast and go straight to class.
10:30 am: Attending lecture. Why did I come? Why? I coulda slept better on my own bed. These damn chairs are half my size.
11:15 am: Quick smoke, quick coffee, back to sleepy oblivion that promises no sleep.
12:59 pm: I hear people clapping. What did I win. As I stand center stage, people come to me and clap me on my back. I'm exhilarated. Wait, stop patting my back so hard, it's starting to hurt.
I turn around.
Must be the Oscars, Tom Cruise is standing there. And he says:
"Dude, wake the fuck up, lecture is over. I have to go to lunch. Move out of my way!"
(sigh) Back to the real world.
1:30 pm: Conversations around me at the table: "How do these canteen people take ordinary food and turn it into bland food?" "I hate these bastards." "We should nuke this place." Headache.
Ugggh.. Bad bad food. Please don't tell me that I'll have to throw this up later!
2:00 pm: Reporting class. "Jithin, where are you on your two stories?"
"I'm making good progress, sir. I got the number for the political leader for that love jihad story and checking out that education fair today evening."
"Good job."
(Gulp. I'm so screwed.)
5:00 pm: Metro station. "Where do I get down if I want to go to Royapettah?"
"Saar, you gyet daun at Trriplikyein."
"Alright thanks."
5:45 pm: Where is this triplicane place? Damn! Will ask fellow passengers.
"Sir, where is Triplicane?"
"Yai, Nva Yinglish. Gva Yewei!"
Er, ok. "Ma'am, Triplicane."
"No stop CaLLED Triplicane beta, the stop were you had to get down was Tiru-bleh-bleh-veli. That was half an hour ago. How funny. Ha ha ha"
Errrr.. Hag! Witch!
6:15 pm: Get down at some forsaken stop. Get on bus to Royapettah.
6:45 pm: Somewhere in Royapettah.
To Shopkeeper: "Anna, where is Hotel Deccan Plaza?"
"Very near. Ten minutes walk. This road."
7:15 pm: Ten minute walk turned out to be half an hour walk.
In front of hotel Deccan Plaza. Is that puke coming up? Yes, it is. Find a tree. Puke under it.
7:20 pm: I don't feel so good. Should I go back?
Disembodied voice from sky says: "A journalist has to work no matter what.. Oooo aaaaahh."
(sigh) Fine!
8:00 pm: Interviews done. On bus back home. Damn! Had to call that politician.
Phone rings.
"Sir, I called earlier today, three times."
"Ah yes, that journo student guy. Hold on.
After five minutes, "Yeah, I'm still busy, call me after one hour."
8:55 pm: Back home.
09:00 pm: Call again. Phone rings.
"Oh, it's you again. Listen, I'm too busy to talk to you. Why don't you talk to some low level guy. Call my assistant, he'll give you some shit and up-coming youngie's number."
"Sir, but.."
Click.
10:00 pm: Talking to "some shit and up coming youngie".
"Yai Fyeel Strangly Yebaut Dees. Pyarpasful, Kaaanspiraashi!"
"Yes, sir, point taken. But I did not ask you anything about Tamil Nadu politics. I wanted to know about your reaction to the.."
"Ah Yeais, Dyat Tvoo, Pyarpasful, Kaaanspiraashi."
Yes sir.
10:15 pm: Damn, forgot dinner. Run out, buy Maggi, come back eat.
11:00 pm: Writing report. I have to sleep early today.
12:00 am: It woulda been so much cooler if Gerard Butler had showed up in my dream. Why did Tom Cruise come. Oh fuck, the report. The report. Yeah, the report.
12:01 am: I must, MUST, sleep early today. At least today. Let's get the hell done with this report. Inspiration, strike me please.
04:00 am: Anna, 1 coffee please. (sigh) And make it extra strong.
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